you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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