I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize