I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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