He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
