Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i love accidental penises.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
