I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
