I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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