Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
