I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
