i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
