so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
