I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
