My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
