U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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