so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
