his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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