I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
