Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
