Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
