i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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