I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
