rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
