I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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