I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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