doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
