he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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