: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
