Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
