That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
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I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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