Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
