Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
