he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
