Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
