Have you finally orgasmed yet?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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