She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
