Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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