omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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