you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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