Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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