They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
