I'm really into asian looking animals
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
