My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
