I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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