I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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