his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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