well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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