this beer tastes like vomit already
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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