Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
