I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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