Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
one two three fourrrrnication!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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