They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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