Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
