I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am spending my child support on dildos
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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