He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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