i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
