so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
