if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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