What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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