after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize