no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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