Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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