How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
