You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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